


If I Loved You Less, I Might Be Able To Talk About It More

by oneawkwardcookie



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Buck says I love you to everyone, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, well...not everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24687709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneawkwardcookie/pseuds/oneawkwardcookie
Summary: Buck says I love you to everyone. Well, almost everyone.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 302





	If I Loved You Less, I Might Be Able To Talk About It More

**Author's Note:**

> We’re just ignoring the order that events occurred in canon, and I’m just going to take (a lot of) inspiration from Lone Star.
> 
> This was inspired by [this post](https://911inspo.tumblr.com/post/620125315224731648/buck-is-definitely-the-person-who-would-say-i) by [@911inspo](https://911inspo.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, so check them out!

**1) Bobby**

Bobby doesn’t tend to go into fires very often, not when Buck and Eddie are there to run into danger headfirst. The house is big though, and they’re all in the thick of it, evacuating people one or two at a time before racing back in. The creaking timbers have been steadily growing louder, until it feels like they’re noisier than the bustling movement of people being tended to by Chim and Hen. Bobby had radioed them all two minutes ago to get out, and Buck and Eddie have just carried an elderly man out of the front door and set him down when they hear it. It’s not another earthquake (Eddie’s barely gotten over the first one) but the lawn seems to shudder as they hear the deafening crunch of a collapsing ceiling.

Eddie looks over to see Buck grasp at his radio.

“Cap, do you copy?”

Eddie hears the click and the static. Everything seems to slow and zoom into where Buck is poised, waiting for a response. The seconds slip by and Buck starts to get a little frantic.

“Cap?”

Eddie places a reassuring hand on Buck’s far shoulder, but Buck still seems like he’s going to vibrate out of his skin, their shoulders bumping more than normal as he fidgets and waits.

“Cap!”

Eddie swallows at the same time as Buck. He feels helpless.

“Bobby!”

Eddie twists to look at Buck, but all they hear is hissing and crackling. Buck turns towards him and Eddie doesn’t know how to look away or keep looking at the fear that he sees in his eyes. He opens his mouth, but he doesn’t know what to say to make Buck feel better. His hand tightens but Buck doesn’t respond.

“Bobby?” This time, Chimney and Hen are edging towards the house, and something in Chim’s voice breaks the moment. They both catch sight of Bobby at the same time, as he staggers out of the front door, and Buck leaps from Eddie’s side towards the house, leaving Eddie’s hand hanging in mid-air.

Buck flings himself at Bobby, almost sending him flying backwards as his full height barrels into him and those long arms encircle Bobby. Eddie thinks it’s like the military reunion videos and blinks away the wetness of his eyes. He tries not to think about how much the soot clinging to Bobby looks like windswept dirt.

“I’m alright Buck, you don’t need to worry so much about me.”

Buck snorts a little, and Bobby goes a little red under the dirt that covers his face.

“You can’t stop me Bobby, you know that.” Eddie finds himself smiling at that, because it was true – you couldn’t stop Evan Buckley caring about people any more than you could stop the sun from coming out in the morning. It was just who he was.

Buck’s face settles into something more serious, as he backs up a few inches.

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you’re important to me, I can’t lose you. I love you Bobby.”

Bobby pulls him back in for a hug, slapping his shoulder, and Eddie feels himself exhale as Buck finally relaxes.

**2) Athena**

The Grant-Nash family dinner has become somewhat of a tradition, the nearest that Eddie has now to a loud extended family gathering, as he and Christopher and Buck join them every Saturday that they’re not on shift.

Buck doesn’t even look at the salt-shaker, but he catches Eddie giving him a pointed look that turns into a chuckle as Buck looks a little sheepish, knife and fork slicing into the meatloaf with deliberate gusto.

A few minutes pass, interspersed with the clattering of cutlery and passing around of dishes, before Buck compliments Athena’s cooking. It’s Buck’s turn to throw Eddie a look that has Buck laughing at the slight blush on Eddie’s cheeks. Bobby just shakes his head and sends a soft look towards Athena.

Once dinner is over, May and Michael are with Christopher in the living room as he talks about his latest school project. Bobby is supporting Harry as he stands on a chair to fix one of the light bulbs on the patio. Eddie has one eye on the kitchen and the other on Christopher.

Buck brings his plate to the sink and stays at Athena’s side as she takes it from his hands and adds it to the dishwasher.

“Thanks for having me.”

She turns to him and fondly places her hand on his cheek. Eddie lets out a quiet sigh at such a maternal gesture, and starts to wonder about Buck’s own mother. They never talked about her, or his father. They never really talked about his parents either, but that was because of their issues around Christopher and Shannon, and Buck knew that. He’d told Buck about that, because –

“Of course – you’re family.” Buck doesn’t look her in her eyes.

“I love you Athena.” Even from this distance, Eddie can see that she gets a little teary at how genuine and grateful he sounds, and pulls him in for a hug.

“Love you too kid.”

Eddie watches on and feels an ache in his chest, as though he’s on the outside looking in. He tells himself he’s just thinking about what he’s missing out on – the thought of a family, and the reminder of what he doesn’t have anymore.

**3) Hen**

They’ve finished eating dinner, somehow without an alarm going off, and that’s a miracle in and of itself. Most people have taken that as a sign that they might be able to get more than a brief nap and have headed to the bunks.

Buck and Eddie are hanging out on the couch, Buck’s leg brushing his as the TV buzzes sweet nothings in the background and Buck reads a book about – something to do with insects presumably, since he’d gotten a dozen facts about locusts that afternoon when they rescued a farmer from his harvester in the middle of a field. Eddie thinks he could fall sleep just like this, lulled by the steady turning of pages, the warm fullness in his belly and the matching warmth next to him.

His eyes are closed when he feels Buck turn his head back towards the footsteps that draw nearer.

“Buck, I got you a piece with more icing,” Hen smiles as she leans down and places two slices of cake on the table in front of them.

Eddie opens his eyes to smile fondly at her, while Buck beams and shouts “Love you Hen, you’re the best!” at her retreating back. Eddie shifts to lean his head back again, but Buck has dropped the book he was reading and shuffled forwards.

He scoops up the icing on one finger, licking it off with a pop, leaving a smear of chocolate against his pale skin. Eddie stares, hand twitching, which he quickly turns into a singular finger pointing out the mess when Buck turns to look at him.

Buck swipes a thumb against the spot. There’s still some left, stretched thin against his cheeks, as he shoots Eddie a grin, before going in for another serving.

Eddie stands up. He needs a glass of milk. 

**4) Chim**

Buck and Eddie are gaming and it’s like the world doesn’t exist beyond the two of them and the TV screen, where their respective characters are dancing around the screen, ducking and weaving between high kicks and low blows. Eddie is barely breaking a sweat, even as his fingers clatter across the controller. Buck’s tongue is sticking out of slightly parted lips, as he leans forward with his whole body from the sheer effort he’s putting in.

He notices Chim come over and sit on one of the side seats, pulling out his phone and propping his legs up on the table as he starts to scroll with one thumb.

In a brief lull between rounds, Buck glances over. He must see something in Chim’s face because the controller is thrown to the table, and before Eddie can jerk his head and wave at him to pick it up and not be a sore loser, Buck has taken two strides over, leaving Eddie alone.

He perches on the arm of Chim’s chair and leans over, shaking Chim out of his reverie and making him pull his phone close to his chest, but not before Buck can see what he’s been looking at with love-sick eyes and a gentle smile.

“You’re going to propose!” Buck beams in joy, and it’s one of his favourite smiles, where Buck has both worked something out and is happy for someone else.

Chim releases his death grip on his phone, nerves playing across his bitten lip and furrowed brow.

“You can’t tell her Buck: it’s supposed to be a surprise.” It’s a serious sort of frown now, and Eddie wonders just when how much thought he’s put into this.

Buck mimes zipping his lips, then laughs and claps him on the shoulder, pulling him nearer.

“I wouldn’t do that you – I love you both too much for that.”

Either Eddie is having a heart attack or something is pulling at his heartstrings. He’s not sure why the thought of Chim and Maddie would make him this emotional. He grabs the controller and switches to a single player game, but that doesn’t stop the swirling in his head as Buck and Chim continue looking at rings together.

**5) Christopher**

They're cooking dinner. Well, Buck is cooking dinner and Eddie is leaning against the fridge, watching and trying to pay attention to what Buck is doing. He tracks Buck as he manoeuvres round his kitchen, pulling open drawers and opening cupboards to grab at ingredients that he doesn’t recognise. Buck presents him a spoon to taste from and looks at him with such eagerness that he can't help smiling as he reassures him that it tastes great.

They work seamlessly to set the table, and Eddie calls for Christopher as Buck brings the last dish to the table.

Eddie doesn’t realise he’s holding his breath until Chris takes his second spoonful of the rice and vegetables, eagerly chewing it down. He’s starting to wonder if he shouldn’t just have Buck cook all the time, since Christopher clearly isn’t a fussy eater with him.

“Thank you for the meal,” Chris chirps up once he’s about halfway through his meal.

“Of course, anything for you.” He says it so easily.

“Love you Buck!”

“I love you too, buddy.”

Eddie thinks his heart might burst from this perfect scene, as the room is bathed in a golden lamplight and his son is happy and his – and Buck seems happier than he has in a while, and he’s got good food and a home and life is starting to look better.

“Thanks Buck,” he says quietly into his water. Buck looks up a little startled, and Eddie finds himself jerking a head at the food on the table, as though that clarifies things.

It doesn’t. Buck only swallows and nods, before going back to his food.

Eddie pauses then realises that he’s waiting for something. Is – is there a reason that he’s waiting for Buck to say what he says to everyone else. Was it weird that Buck didn’t say it to him? Doesn't he love him because –

He downs his glass and gets up from the table with a start, calling “water” over his shoulder.

**+1:**

Christopher is put to bed and they’re washing up after dinner, bumping shoulders as Buck dries and puts away the plates. Looking down, Eddie quietly thanks him again.

"Why are you thanking me?" Buck sounds a little confused, wrinkling his nose at the dishcloth.

Eddie huffs out a laugh, “For being here, for looking after us.”

Buck says "Of course" and it slips out. He feels safe and at home and the evening has made him let his guard down.

"God, I love you."

Buck freezes, then carries on drying up. As though Eddie didn't just drop his heart in the kitchen sink. Eddie’s hands shake and he drops a plate instead and that gets Buck's attention. Still, Eddie can't look at him when he says, "Did you hear me?" It’s like his heart is pounding in his ears, a thrumming of helicopter blades ramping up.

"Yes." It’s the stillest he’s ever seen Buck and it’s starting to scare him.

"... And?" He drags his eyes up to Buck’s and steels himself.

"Did you mean it?" Thank God that Buck wears his emotions on his sleeve, in the uncertain curl of his mouth, in the hopeful widening of his eyes, in the way his whole body seems to tilt on its axis.

Eddie turns and grabs him by his collar. Time slows to a crawl, or maybe it speeds up, and seconds become minutes become a lifetime. Buck is the one to finally bridge the gap, leaning his head against Eddie’s.

They breath out together, and Eddie whispers, “you mean the world to me.” The words float through the air and are planted onto Buck’s lips, blossoming into a smile, and it’s contagious.

“Then I love you too Eddie.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come and shout at me on Tumblr at [oneawkwardcookie](https://oneawkwardcookie.tumblr.com/)


End file.
